Men Jokes
Hate men? Just broke up? Sick of blonde jokes? Don't get mad, get even!

Top pics on
Cheap International Calls USA - Jokes - Female Celeb Pics - Male Celeb Pics

You are in: > Men Jokes > List of jokes Page 2

Men Jokes
- List of jokes Page 1
- List of jokes Page 2
- List of jokes, Page 3
- Men vs. Women
- Story Jokes

Cheap International Calls from the UK
Call abroad for the price of a national call. No account or credit card needed - try it now.

Fast, reliable UK Internet access!
- Pay-as-you-go local rate
- Easy to sign up (just 3 minutes!)
- Fast and reliable

Sign up now, FREE!

- Free celebrity pictures
- Funny screensavers
- Movie and album reviews
- and more...
List of jokes Page 2

Want to lose weight? Try the new, simple and gimmick-free DeepLake Diet - Lose weight now! No impossible claims - just a real way to lose weight now - get your free printable guide to the diet!

Jokes below.

  1. What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?
    Miss her.
    Pity her. Submitted by Elizabeth

  2. How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
    He controls himself.

  3. Why don't men like to drink coffee at work?
    It keeps them awake.

  4. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
    So they can find their way back to the house.

  5. Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?
    Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.

  6. Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
    Because the text on the nappies package said '18-40 lbs'.

  7. Why do men come home drunk and leave their clothes on the floor?
    Because they are in them.

  8. Why do men want to vote for a female President?
    Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.

  9. What's the difference between a man and a messy room?
    You can straighten up a messy room.

  10. What's the difference between a man and an ox?
    Fifteen pounds and a six-pack.

  11. How many men would it take to mop a floor?
    No one knows; they've never done it.

  12. What is a "successful hunting trip" ?
    When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days

  13. What's the difference between a man and Bigfoot?
    One is covered with matted hair and smells awful. The other has big feet.

  14. What does a man call true love?
    An erection.

  15. Why is a man like a moped?
    They're both fun to ride until your friends see you with one.

  16. What's the difference between a man and a parrot?
    You can teach a parrot to talk nicely.

  17. What's the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital?
    At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.

  18. What is six inches long, two inches wide and make men act like fools?
  19. What's the most effective birth control device for men.
    Their manners.

  20. What's a dumb man's martini?
    An olive in a glass of beer.

  21. How do men define insomnia?
    Waking up every few days.

  22. Why are marriend women heavier than single women?
    Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
    Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.

  23. Why don't men believe in paternity tests?
    Because the sample is taken from their finger.

  24. Men are proof of reincarnation.
    You can't get that dumb in just one lifetime.

  25. Nobody can call him a quitter.
    He always gets fired.

  26. Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
    Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

  27. Why does the man bother?
    He's hoping for a lucky stroke.

  28. Why do male bosses have such poor grammar?
    Because they end every sentence with a proposition.

  29. Why don't men cook at home?
    No one's invented a steak that will fit in the toaster.

  30. Wife: "I won the lottery! Five million dollars. Whoo-ee--start packing!"
    Husband "That's great!!! What should I pack?"
    Wife: "Whatever you want, just be out of the house by the time I get there"

  31. Behind every great woman is a man telling her she's ignoring him.

  32. Behind every great man is a puzzled woman.

  33. What did God say after she made Eve?
    "Practice makes perfect."

  34. How does a woman know the man is cheating on her?
    He starts bathing twice a week.

  35. He keeps a record of everything he eats.
    It's called a tie.

  36. What's the one thing that keeps most men out of college?
    High School.

  37. Husband: "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
    Wife: "No problem, I'll get you some that is."

  38. We try to keep him out of the kitchen.
    Last time he cooked he burned the salad.

  39. 138.Why don't men eat between meals.
    There *IS* no "between" meals.

  40. What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
    Divorce him.

  41. What is the definition of an inconsiderate husband?
    One who wins a trip to Paris and goes by himself, twice.

  42. How do women define a 50/50 relationship?
    We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirt; We iron/ they wrinkle.

  43. How are men like noodles?
    They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

  44. Why don't men do laundry?
    Cause the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!

  45. What do you call a woman that works like a man??
    A Lazy bitch.

  46. Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
    So men can tell if they are coming or going.

  47. What's the difference between a man and a cow?
    One brain cell that prevents them from shitting all over the place!

  48. Did you hear about the baby born with both sexes?
    It had a penis AND a brain!

  49. Why are men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
    They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  50. How do most men define marriage?
    A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

  51. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
    Because they don't have balls to scratch.

  52. Why are men like popcorn?
    They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

  53. What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
    I don't know, I've never seen either one.

Fast, reliable UK Internet access: pay-as-you-go local call rate. sign up now, only takes 3 minutes to get going. National rate support, no premium numbers!

[Joke of the Day]     [Cheap International Phone Calls from the USA]     []     [Men jokes main]

Copyright © 1998-2000 DeepLake Entertainment Company. DeepLake aims to provide quality entertainment online, free of charge. We believe all the jokes displayed on this site to be in the public domain. Should this not be the case, we will happily co-operate with the legal copyright holder to remove the joke or jokes promptly. Any trademarks mentioned at this site are owned by their respective owners, and DeepLake disclaim any proprietary interest in third-party trademarks.