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Daily Jokes / Joke of the Day
For over a year, DeepLake has been running the Joke of the Day service. Unlike many other sites, we really do update our jokes every day so you get to see the funniest jokes. Keep coming back to DeepLake Daily Jokes to kick-start your day!

Good news: The Joke of the Day is back! Thanks for your patience.

Today's Joke (No.1/1)

In The News - Edited excerpts from the LA Times Includes some late night

WARNING: May be offensive to animal lovers, flood victims, Timothy
McVeigh, Dan Quayle, Clarence Thomas, AOL, Lousianians, British Royalty,
Los Angelenos, the IRS, smokers, President Clinton, Mafiosi, airline
luggage handlers AND airline food preparers Includes reference to drug
use, sex, God and doo doo heads...

Well folks, it's springtime, when a young man's fancy turns to thoughts
of love, while his remote turns to the NCAA tournament.

After President Clinton injured his knee, his press secretary was asked
if he had been given painkillers. The answer, 'Yes, but he didn't
swallow them.'

Al Gore is taking heat for his role in campaign fundraising. In true
vice presidential form, he issued a statement saying, 'This is becoming
a real hot potatoe.'

The IRS wants to improve its image. They will no longer answer the phone
with 'Next victim', and their new mascot 'Timmy the Tax Collector' will
replace the Grim Reaper. (Daily Scoop)

Liggett Group Inc. is going to settle several lawsuits by admitting that
smoking is addictive. In an equally shocking revelation, Frito Lay will
announce that eating Cheetos can result in an orange tongue and fingers.

More evidence is developing against Timothy McVeigh in the Oklahoma
bombing. In addition to the alleged confession, photos were found of him
wearing Bruno Maglis.

Flood damage in the Midwest was high and residents in Arkansas are still
cleaning up after devastating tornadoes. We here in California can only
wonder with amazement why people would want to love in such disaster
prone areas.

Several aftershocks from the '92 Landers earthquake shook up Southern
California desert areas recently. This is what people here like to call
earthquake weather, which is not to be confused with fire weather, urban
riot weather or drive by shooting weather. (Daily Scoop)

A third grade boy was arrested, strip searched and charged with a felony
for writing his name in wet cement in Las Vegas. Things have really
changed in Las Vegas - in the old days it was okay to put whole guys in

In new guidelines for schools, the US Department of Education says that
when a six year old kisses a classmate on the cheek, it is not sexual
harassment. The kissee, however, is free to call the kisser a 'doo doo
head'. (Daily Scoop)

New FAA figures show that a record 573 million passengers flew on US
airlines during 1996. During those flights 273 arrived in the same city
as their luggage.

United Airlines has announced plans to increase the size portions in its
in-flights meals. Apparently the food they serve now is not quite cold
enough in the middle.

The Supreme Court is hearing arguments about a new law restricting
indecent materials on the Internet. Justice Clarence Thomas has
volunteered to do the research.

America Online customers are upset because the company has decided to
allow advertising in its chat rooms. I can see why - you got computer
sex, you can download pornography, people are making dates with 10
year-olds. Hey, what's this? A Pepsi ad? They're ruining the integrity
of the Internet! (Leno)

A church in Bushnell Fla. received a Publishers Sweepstakes notice
announcing that God of Bushnell was a finalist for the $11 million
prize. There is one small catch - God will have to admit that he made a
mistake with the hairless cat.

Return of the Jedi is doing so well, they're thinking of re-releasing
Star Wars, which hasn't been re-released since January.

Prince William has been confirmed into the Church of England. Now, just
like his mother and father, he must obey the nine commandments.

Darryl Strawberry turned 35, which is about 53 in drug years.

Ian Wilmut, the Scottish scientist who cloned the sheep, was in
Washington to appear before Congress... at least they think it was him.
His wife said, 'No, he was with me the whole time...' (Leno)

Pope John Paul II criticized genetic engineering, but some of it can be
very beneficial. One scientist crossed a chicken with a silkworm and
came up with a hen that lays eggs with pantyhose inside.

Kellogg has introduced its new Cocoa Frosted Flakes. The new cereal
contains sugar frosted flakes with the added kick of chocolate. Printed
on each box are instructions on how to coax your child down from the

A survey of 33 metropolitan areas found New Orleans has the highest
percentage of obese people. What do they expect? Butter is the Louisiana
state vegetable. (Daily Scoop)

And finally, a new survey found that 61% of adults know people who go to
work under the influence of drugs or alcohol. The other 39% used the
survey as rolling paper.

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