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Daily Jokes / Joke of the Day
For over a year, DeepLake has been running the Joke of the Day service. Unlike many other sites, we really do update our jokes every day so you get to see the funniest jokes. Keep coming back to DeepLake Daily Jokes to kick-start your day!

Good news: The Joke of the Day is back! Thanks for your patience.

Today's Joke (No.1/1)
Windows 98 Guide

Congratulations on your purchase of Windows 98 (C), the latest version of the
world's #1 computer operating system from Microsoft. Before using your new
software, please take the time to read these instructions carefully.
Failure to do so may further limit the terms of the limited warranty.
Windows 98 (C) represents a significant technological improvement over
Microsoft's previous operating system, Windows 95 (C). You'll notice immediately
that "98" is a larger number than "95," a better than 3 percent increase. But
that's not all. Windows 98 (C) contains many features not found in Windows 95
(C), or in any competing computer operating system, if there were any. Among the
improvements: faster storing and retrieving of files (not in all models),
enhanced "Caps Lock" and back-space functionality, smoother handling, less
knocking and pinging, an easy-to-follow 720-page User's Guide, and rugged
weather-resistant shrink wrap around the box. Most important, Windows 98 (C)
offers superior compatibility with all existing Microsoft products. We're
betting that you'll never use another company's software again.
Windows 98 (C) comes factory-loaded with the latest version of Microsoft
Explorer, the world's most popular Internet browser. And despite what you may
have heard from the U.S. Department of Justice, Windows 98 (C) offers you the
freedom to select the Internet browser of your choice, whether it's the one
produced by the world's largest and most trusted software producer, or by a
smaller company that will either go out of business or become part of the
Microsoft family.
Configuring Windows 98 (C) to use a browser other than Microsoft Explorer is
easy. Simply open the "Options" folder, click on the "time bomb" icon, and
select "Load Inferior Browser." A dialog box will ask "Are you sure?" Click
"yes." This question may be asked several more times in different ways; just
keep clicking "yes." Eventually, the time-bomb icon will enlarge to fill the
entire screen, signifying that the browser is being loaded.
You'll know the browser is fully loaded when the fuse on the time bomb "runs
out" and the screen "explodes." If at any time after installation you become
disappointed with the slow speed and frequent data loss associated with other
browsers, simply tap the space bar on your keyboard.Microsoft Explorer will
automatically be re-installed -- permanently.
Windows 98 (C) also corrects, for the first time anywhere, the "Year 2000"
computer problem. As you may know, most computers store the current year as a
two-digit number and, as a result, many will mistake the year 2000 for 1900.
Windows 98 (C) solves the problem by storing the year as a four-digit number
and, in theory, you won't have to upgrade this part of the operating system
until the year 10,000. However, the extra memory required to record the year in
four digits has prompted a few minor changes in the software's internal
calendar. Henceforth, Saturday and Sunday will be stored as a single day, known
as "Satsun," and the month of June will be replaced by two 15-day months called
"Bill" and "Melissa."
Please also take the time to complete the online registration form. It only
takes a few minutes and will help us identify the key software problems our
customers want addressed. Be assured that none of the information you provide,
whether it's your Social Security number, bank records, fingerprints, or retina
scan, will be shared with any outside company not already designated as a
Microsoft DataShare partner.
We've done our best to make using Windows 98 (C) as trouble-free as possible. We
want to hear from you if you're having any problems at all with your software.
Simply call our toll-free Helpline and follow the recorded instructions
carefully. (The Helpline is open every day but Satsun, and is closed for the
entire month of Bill.)
If we don't hear from you, we'll assume your software is working perfectly, and
an electronic message to that effect will be forwarded to the Justice
Department. We'll also send, in your name, a letter to the editor of your
hometown newspaper, reminding him or her that American consumers want software
designed by companies that are free to innovate, not by government bureaucrats.
Again, thanks for choosing Windows 98 (C).

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