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Daily Jokes / Joke of the Day
For over a year, DeepLake has been running the Joke of the Day service. Unlike many other sites, we really do update our jokes every day so you get to see the funniest jokes. Keep coming back to DeepLake Daily Jokes to kick-start your day!

Good news: The Joke of the Day is back! Thanks for your patience.

Today's Joke (No.1/1)
Workplace Guidlines

Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting
for your document.
Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch,
and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5
entire raw potatoes.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with
that.
Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the
direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and
ask them to settle the disagreement.
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all
present.
Come to work in your pajamas.
Put a picture of your mother on your business card.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear
them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is
a different gender than you are.)
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names.
"That's a good point Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with
you there, Chachi." "Way to go, Possum-Boy."
Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all reports that
you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick figures yourself.)
Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's Playland.
Charge everyone $15 each.
Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For
example "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom."
No matter what anyone asks you, reply "Okay."
Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
Grow mold in your coffee cup.
Build models of the Seven Wonders of the World using empty soda cans.
Put on your headphones on whenever the boss comes into the office. Talk in a
loud voice. Remove your headphones when he or she leaves.
When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my
phone is ringing" and leave. Go get a coffee.
Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.
Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk into your
daytimer.
"Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did
this.
Hang mistletoe over your desk.
Bring in food that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right as special
treats for your co-workers.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive".
Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to
pass them off as your children.
Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom,
when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach,
and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that." See how long it takes until the
last person stops believing you. Then start planting pizzas.
Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their
caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Put those hole reinforcing circles on the center of you eyeglasses. Now go to
that executive meeting.
Put shaving foam on your supervisor's telephone earpiece. Dial the number. When
he/she answers, say "Sqwish."
Subscribe your coworkers to those free trade journals. Give them wacky middle
names. Example: Bobby "Pud" McNeel.

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