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Daily Jokes / Joke of the Day
For over a year, DeepLake has been running the Joke of the Day service. Unlike many other sites, we really do update our jokes every day so you get to see the funniest jokes. Keep coming back to DeepLake Daily Jokes to kick-start your day!

Good news: The Joke of the Day is back! Thanks for your patience.

Today's Joke (No.1/1)
A Week at the Gym

For my birthday this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the
local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity
chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it.
I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a
26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very
pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started.
They suggested I keep an "exercise diary" to chart my progress.
Day 1. Started the morning at 6:00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I
arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a
goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines
and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little
alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that
outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class.
Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching
a little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going
to be GREAT.
Day 2. Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya
had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then she put
weights on it, for heaven's sake! Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill,
but I made it the full mile. Her smile made it all worth while. Muscles ALL feel
GREAT.
Day 3. The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am certain that I have
developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Tanya was a little impatient with me and
said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my
chest so I did the stair "monster." Why would anyone invent a machine to
simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators? Tanya told
me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.
Day 4. Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't
help it if I was half an hourlate, it took me that long just to tie my shoes.
She wanted me to lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya. The word "dumb" must be in
there for a reason. I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for me.
As punishment she made me try the rowing machine. It sank.
Day 5. I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human
being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in
extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to
work on my triceps. Well I have news for you Tanya - I don't have triceps. And
if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to
accept responsibility for the damage, YOU went to sadist school, YOU are to
blame. The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like
crazy. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a music teacher, or social
studies?
Day 6. Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I
lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of
the weather channel.
Day 7. Well, that's the week. Thank goodness that's over. Maybe next time my
wife will give me something a little more fun, like a gift certificate for a
root canal.

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