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Today's Joke (No.1/1)
"Deep Thoughts" by Kids
"Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" was a favorite on the Saturday Night Live
TV show. My personal favorite was "A day without sunshine is like
night." Well, a newspaper (don't know which one) ran a contest where
entrants, age 4 to 15, were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack
Handy." Here they are:
My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get
buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should
have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn
eternally--but I didn't want to upset him. Age 10
When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have
lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. Age 5
I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just
a lawn mower. Age 11
I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that
the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water
for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population
gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was
a big fire and everyone died. Age 13
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog.
Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of
his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. Age 14
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I
don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes
on the last day of their life? Age 15
Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I think about
the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!" Age 15
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just
any old yokel vote. Age 10
Home is where the house is. Age 6
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That
is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the
things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. Age 13
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. Age
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then
the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's
what happens to cheese when you leave it out. Age 6
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe
"Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't is
morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" Age
Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet.
So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them, right?
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some
people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks. Age
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world
peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the
looting started. Age 15
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