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Funny True Stories
Sometimes reality is more funny than fiction. These stories prove it!

I Declare
The Folies Bergeres in Paris is staging "California Dream Men", its first show in 130 years featuring male strippers. After French National Front leader Jean-Marie Le Pen was spotted watching the show from a box above the mostly female audience, reporters from the French newspaper Liberation confronted him. He confirmed he was there, and further
announced he enjoyed the show. "I have never considered nudity to be immoral, at least when it is beautiful," Le Pen replied. "I applaud beauty whether it be masculine or feminine." (AFP) ...American politicians haven't yet figured out that "Yeah, so?" is a pretty good reply to such inquiries from reporters.

Get Your Goat
Joshua Nkomo, the vice president of Zimbabwe, is rearing more than 100 goats at his official residence. Neighbors have complained, saying it's against city regulations. Meanwhile, police in Brasilia are investigating the death of a goat running for mayor of Pilar -- where it had been leading in the polls. The animal's political supporters have suggested that "Frederico" was assassinated by a political rival. "He had a lot of foam in his mouth," his owner said. (Reuters) ...Foaming at the mouth? Typical politician.

Nine out of Ten Would be Adequate
Researchers at Alabama's Auburn University say they have determined what men want in the "ideal woman": she is sexually inexperienced but likes sex, has a career but is a full-time homemaker, has a slim build, is athletic, and has pretty eyes, dark hair, good complexion and a firm butt. Large breasts are nice, but not all that important. The study's read author, Erica Gannon, says the specifications are similar to what is found in the Bible. "Our participants, whether knowingly or unknowingly, espouse a view of the ideal woman that is very similar to the views held by individuals thousands of years ago." However, she
adds, "It's hard to be this woman." (UPI) ...About as hard as being the ideal man: strong yet gentle, powerful yet sensitive, has a great career yet helps clean the house and raise the children, in control yet cries, and a sex expert who's only been with one woman.

If It's For Me, I'm Not In
Zach Williams, 18, was robbed in Chattanooga, Tenn. He tried to run away and was shot to death. One of the things the robbers stole: his pager. Police, upon learning about the beeper, figured "why not?" and sent it a page. When the murderers returned the cops' call, it was traced to George Morgan, 19, and his cousin Antonio Morgan, 18, who were arrested
and charged with murder. (AP) ...Bit by bit, Darwin is being proved right.

His Face Rings a Bell
Romance novel cover boy Fabio is OK after being injured on a roller coaster at Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, Va. The akimbo Adonis, making a public appearance to inaugurate the new ride, was hit in the face by a bird while being the first to ride the coaster. When the train came to a halt, he was covered with blood from a gash on his face. When told of the incident, a spokeswoman for Fabio's publisher reacted, "Oh my God! Think if his mouth was open!" (Reuters) ...That's the secret to his
success: he never opens his mouth.

With This Ring I Me Wed
Janet Downes thinks she has found the secret for a happy marriage: she's marrying herself on her fortieth birthday. The Bellevue, Neb., woman says the wedding ceremony celebrates that she is "happy with herself," and plans to exchange vows with herself in the mirror. The ceremony will include a wedding gown, flowers, a traditional cake, and a choir. (Reuters) ...She also apparently had a hand in planning her wedding night.

Are We There Yet?
In the old days, the ideal of camping was "roughing it" in the wild. Not anymore, says Scott Monte, publisher of Backpacker magazine. This year's Outdoor Retailer Summer Market, which showcases new products for campers, was stuffed with displays of gourmet foods, ergonomic backpacks, satellite-tracking mapping systems, and silk sheets for sleeping bags. "Comfort is king," Monte says. Surveys found the average Backpacker magazine reader made ,500 and spent more than ,500 on backpacking equipment and excursions last year. (AP) ...The New America: where 'roughing it' means no satellite dish for the TV in the Winnebago.

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