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Bar Jokes
A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch!!"

Two men walk in to a bar.You'd think the other one would have ducked...

Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, lands on the bottom. Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes, and then says, "Dammit, I said UP."

An obnoxious drunk in a bar trying to get a girl to go home with him says, "Hey, baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" Girl says, "Unfertilized. Beat it!"

Two hamburgers walk into a bar. They go up to the bartender and say, "We'd like two pizzas with mushrooms." The bartender replies, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food."

A guy walks in a bar, and buys a huge beer. Then he sees someone he knows, and decides to go and say hi to them, but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him. So he sets it on a table, along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that noone will steal it then. Upon return, he sees another note saying "So Did I!"

A guy from up North (Canada) goes into a classy bar in the South (States). This bar has a dress code, and the maitre d' demands he wear a tie. Discouraged, the guy goes to his car to sulk when inspiration strikes: He's got jumper cables in the trunk! So he wraps them around his neck, sort of like a string tie (a bulky string tie to be sure) and returns to the bar. The maitre d' is reluctant, but says to the guy, "Okay, you're a 
pretty resourceful fellow, you can come in... but just don't start anything!"

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